WHERE IS LOVE?

One of my favorite songs is "Where is love?" from Oliver! Where is the love? Where is love, which is above and separate from the Love. Love is an all encompassing term in which is more than feeling warm and fuzzy means self-sacrifice for some person, place or thing that you deem worthy of you effort and time. I am will to put time and energy into raising cats. At one time I was willing to care for my aging mom, before she passed. Are you willing to surrender all to Him, to sacrifice all that many would get to know Him? It's called counting the costs. Have you counted the cost of LOVE? Many haven;t and wind up leaving the cause. Many stay and find it to be the best in the universe. Hardest in the universe, but most satisfying and fulfilling of anything anyone can do.

Moving On

7 months later and I am still being asked if my house feels empty. Well in all honesty I do sometimes think I see mom in bed. And sometimes the illusion of the shelf I put up with pictures acts like an optical illusion. Sometimes I think I hear her and it's really Brie. It's all grief. those "sometimes" are getting less and less. I pulled a muscle in my back. Again grief. It's ok really. As long as I recognize it. There is sadness of course. But I am getting better at reasoning where my reactions are coming from. And then I can concentrate on how grateful I am for mom.

A Time to grow

Anyone who has ever been through grief knows how painful and hard it is to process through. That's why so many people commit suicide after losing someone they care for. But regardless of that hardness it's equally as hard to say "work thtough it"/ It simply is not that easy. Ecclesiastes says it's a time to plant a time to sow, a time to live a time to die. I will add another to that list, a time to lay down a time to grow. The 6 months prior to mom's death in September to October 8th, 2017 I put on 18 pounds. I had stopped exercising on a regular basis and my back felt as old as the rocks in out in the western US. Recently I decided to get back to exercise and eating right. And my back muscles told me that I needed therapy. Obeying my body, I asked to do physical therapy, and have begun to be able to do my exercising again. And I feel much better. Much. This past week (April 8th week) I have made several mistakes that I don't ordinarily make. Over the past few months I have made several mistakes also that I don't normally make. And it makes me feel bad and as though I am living up to mom's standards of not being able to do anything right. But then I think that I would not have been able to get through vet school or any school for that matter if I didn't believe I could do anything right. I just have to go in with confidence and competence that God has equipped me with. And the person that makes the mistakes is still there but can overcome those mistakes and God teaches me to do things the right way. I have done more things than I ever thought possible.

A time and place

So my weight iz going boing-boing-boing, and going up and down. And part of the time it's because I snacked or overate at meals, and part of the time I raise my hands and just wonder. But there is a time and season for everything. I will lose weight. But it's not time yet. I will be healthy and I will take care of what God gave me. I will.