New Year's blessings

So New Years came without mom. Without Dad. Without Larry. Without? No, Physically maybe, but not as long as I have photographic images and memorabilia I still have them. Is the house empty now that mom is no longer with me, maybe. There are definitely times that I expect to see her sitting in her bed or the big chair in the living room and she's not there. But for the most part I have occupied my time with playing the piano, with doing home work-outs, and with work in general. Her time with me was good it could have been better I am sure. But my one solace was that I provided for her so that she didn't have to do what to her was unspeakable, go to a rest home. She didn't need one. She was mobile, in fact the day before we went to the ER mom was walking around and laughing with me. She was able to feed herself up until she went into the ER and CCU. No need for a home and if she went to assisted living I would have to go with her. So as long as I could care for her here she was good. New Year's for me means freedom, but it also means that mom helped make that freedom. What I thought was pushing was pushing but it taught me to take care of myself. Controlling yes but all good parents can never get away from that. Even with a gentle touch.